he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
