I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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