I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just had sex on a roof
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
