I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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