I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
