forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
