um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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