Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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