what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
