You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
