So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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