That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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