Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
