just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
