Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
