Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
