The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
