I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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