that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
