I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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