Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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