drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
