Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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