At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
