Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
