Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
