you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
