so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
