I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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