I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
