drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
