Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
where are my eyebrows?
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