If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
