Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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