During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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