I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
