My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
