Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.

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(310): View more from California

I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

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(845): View more from New York

You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

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(913): View more from Kansas

So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on

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(914): View more from New York

I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?

(810): View more from Michigan

That you did

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter

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