I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
