**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
