my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
