I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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