Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
