After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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