grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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