His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
