my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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