can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
