Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
