It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
