you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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