Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
