you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize