Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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