You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
