I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
