two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
