well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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