Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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