Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
