whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
