If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
