yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its about making memories worth repressing
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
