Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
