She went from zero to smokin in five shots
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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