can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize