you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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