You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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