i was born a porn star she said
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
