Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
