I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My bed smells like the plague
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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