it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
