fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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